Sometimes I over-think things; like… how do I sign off my emails/newsletters? I bet most people would hardly give it a thought, “Best wishes”, “Kind regards”, “Love”, “Love and Light” or something similar would flow from their keyboard and they would get on with something else. None of those really say what I want to say though.
When I sit down with a client, I do not see someone who is broken, damaged, needing to be fixed. Rather I see someone about to find new levels of clarity, to become bright and shiny, someone about to let their true essence shine. I’m there only to offer a hand, a re-assuring energetic presence, a smiling face, someone who believes you can do it… .Like a walking guide who may offer you a hand for a tricky step. I want to sign of with something along the same ethos.
Then I came across ‘Namaste’ which has it’s origins in Sanskrit. I’m not a Hindu, or Buddhist, but when I looked at the meaning of this word I loved it. It’s commonly translated as
“the divine light in me honours the divine light in you”
This closely matches my blossoming understanding that there is more to life than we can touch and more to helping people than a technique from a book.
So decision made…
It has opened my mind so much that I want to share it, even though I would normally have kept such things very private. So here goes…
A part of me believes my family should always be happy and healthy. After all, I clearly believe that I have the ability to help others become healthier and happier. I have helped enough people, to know that there is some truth in that belief. So a part of me, feels we should always be leading from the front, always full of health and happy. I know that Debbie often thinks the same, as she has also mentioned feeling the same way.
So one of our guilty secrets is that our 3 year old daughter, Honey, would wake up most mornings crying and distressed. It seemed to me in particular, that every morning started early (around 4 to 6 am) with a crying unhappy child and it was getting to me. I was noticing thoughts I did not want, “it’s always like this”, “here we go again” and I knew thoughts like this would not help.
For over three years I felt a bit powerless to change it. I had a feeling that it all stemmed from the family tragedy that occurred just before Honey was born. At the time, which was just weeks from Honey’s expected delivery, we used hypnosis and emotional freedom technique daily to try and shield our unborn daughter from the flood of emotions that coursing through Debbie’s veins. These emotions, grief at the loss of her younger sister and unborn nephew during childbirth, fear that what had previously seemed safe and natural may now be a life threatening event, had overtaken those of joy and anticipation of the arrival of our baby girl.
We were both experiencing our versions of the natural feelings of grief, sadness and loss wrapped up with those of fear. I feel that we did the best we could, but it is also my belief that Honey had learned that life was scary and distressing even before she was born and so maybe that was why she woke up each morning sounding distressed.
Now over the past three years there have been a sequence of events that has pushed me towards believing in our bodies subtle energy systems. Possibly being more open to that concept, I also came across EFT Founder Gwyneth Moss’s talks on surrogate tapping. This is where you use Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping for someone else, by imagining you are them! I’ve discarded this idea in the past without any real thought, but Gwyneth’s background is in science, she graduated from Cambridge in physics and worked worldwide as an oil exploration geophysicist and project management consultant before retraining as a therapist. Her thoughts mirrored mine when she explained her initial reaction to surrogate tapping which was “that’s too weird, that’s for Reiki people, not me”. So if someone with a proven record as both a physicist and a therapist can observe the benefits, would I be able to? After yet another morning of being woken early to the sound of Honey crying and distressed, I very strongly suggested to Debbie that we should try surrogate tapping for her.
How We Did It
As I said before, surrogate EFT involves tapping on yourself on behalf of someone else, so we decided I would ‘pretend’ to be Honey and Debbie would be the therapist. EFT works best when you are not attached to the outcome though, so we spent some time clearing our own issues and emotional responses over Honey’s behaviour. Then I pretended to be Honey and Debbie acted as practitioner. We ended with the choices method around feeling safe and happy in her room. I just imagined myself as Honey and said what came into my mind, in the kind of words she would use. Our session probably lasted for around an hour and half, with around 1/3rd of it being the surrogate tapping.
The Following Morning
Around eight hours later at about 6:45 I almost cried as I lay in bed listening to Honey chat away to herself contentedly. I finally got up and popped my head around her door to be met with a cheery “Morning Dad”.
This blew me away. It was a like a dream. I had expected a change, committed myself fully to the process and believing in it, but such a profound difference, so quickly, was beyond my expectations.
Friday she woke with a cold and feeling ill, but still wanted to stay in her own room…
To date, each morning (to date around six weeks later), she has woken with a much more contented state of mind.
How Could This Work?
Some of you reading this will believe it a mysterious consequence, or wishful thinking. Personally I believe now more than ever, that we are all energetically linked in some way and this is why it has worked.
For now I’m avidly reading postings and books by those who understand what might be happening better than I do.
But I wonder, have you experienced anything like it?
Three weeks ago today we had to say good by to our dear dog Sky. As any pet owner knows it is never easy to lose a pet and we hated having to make the decision to have her her ‘put to sleep’ but we and the vet thought it was time for her sake. I’m not going to dwell on that though.
This is in memory of a wonderful companion. Sky was originally Debbie and her families dog, but when Debbie became ill with ME/CFS she came to live with us in Cornwall to keep Debbie company while I was out at work. Much of the walking initially became my responsibility and I soon began to love Sky as Debbie did. She was a lovely Dog; and I while Debbie was too ill to come out I would often run with her, sometimes around the streets and sometimes around Siblyback where she could run off the lead. She would run beside me when I wanted and other times run free. It was a real pleasure to have her company when Debbie was too ill to come out, let alone run. I can remember during those times sometimes wondering whether Debbie would ever be well enough to join us.
Sky was also an important part of Debbie healing journey in so many ways and I know Debbie misses her too. As Debbie wrote in her post ‘Back to Health One Step at a Time‘ Sky helped Debbie get her strength back because she was encouragement to go out and walk and get fresh air. She is the SkyBlue in SkyBlueRiver.
There were so many good times and memories that include her; like teaching her to swim in the rivers, Debbie teaching her ‘tidy’ where she would put her toys back in her box, playing fetch, her company, her love of chasing leaves, the gentle way she sniffed Honey when we brought her home from the hospital…
We love you Sky.
You may have mastered all the techniques to help with your health, but if you can’t get the job you want it can be difficult to thrive. Everyone with a chance at the job will research the company and swat on the theory, but what to do about performing well? Here are two simply techniques used by those in the know.
Visualise, visualise VISUALISE! Did I say that enough? Visualise in detail as much as you can, imagine yourself relaxed, smiling, breathing calmly from stomach. Imagine yourself in the reception area, sitting calm, in control, smiling at other candidates and those around you. Then imagine yourself answering some of the stock questions; smiling, being calm and relaxed. The more you visualise yourself calm and relaxed the more likely it is to happen. Top sports people know this and now you do too!
I came across this one on a training course by Chris Iveson at Brief, London. Chris explained he used it with his family friends before interviews and it was brilliant at improving confidence and getting jobs! So imagine for a moment you are your best friend; now ask ‘them’ what it is they like you, why are they your friend, what do they think are your strengths? Imagine what they would say. Once you think of one thing, ask “and what else?”, write down their answers, aim for as many as you can.
Now think of a colleague at work, and repeat the process with the question “what makes you a good work colleague?” Then someone who has had responsibility for you, a boss or maybe a teacher and again repeat the process with the question “what makes you a good employee/student?” Do this for as many people as you want, with questions relevant to your relationship. By this stage it should be completely obvious why you deserve that job!
I listened to a webinar by Bernie Siegel, an American Doctor, last night while walking my dog and he made a point about holistic practitioners wasting their time trying to get people in conventional medicine to listen to them. His advice was to simply get on with helping people to heal, because eventually people will notice. This seems like good advice.
A colleague of mine helped a lady suffering from MS, her symptoms have completely gone and she has lived a normal life for several years. Each year she has a check-up appointment with her Neurologist who asks how she is. She explains she has been better since working with my collogue and the Neurologists grunts, but shows no interest at all in what happened. The lady is simply an anomaly, one of those people for whom the condition is not following the normal path.
Things do change though, if you do something that works long enough it can become part of the system. For example mindfulness that has been a Buddhist meditative practices for thousands of years has now become the in thing and part of the system in some places. Jon Kabat-Zinn has adapted the process into a non belief based meditation for stress and pain relief which is gaining more popularity.
So the Buddhist meditative practices that have been valued for health and well-being are now being accepted and more widely used because the evidence of it’s effectiveness has grown to the point that others notice it.
This is our new blog specifically for our posts regarding how the mind can influence physical health and well-being. We hope it will be seen by less spammers and more real people and we look forward to hearing from you all.
As time goes by we will be moving posts from our old blog and adding new ones.